Switzerland
by Inky8Fingers
Summary: Edward drops a bombshell on Bella during her Switzerland speech and she panics. Oneshot, with Angela the witch. Rated T for mention of Manly bits. Please Review!


**Just a bit of mush I've scribbled out to keep me occupied in the early hours of the morning while my roommate keeps me up awake with her furious essay writing. Let this be a lesson to all you people not yet at college, be like me, and be a good student, getting your papers in on time, don't be like her, high on coffee, muttering garbled sentences about the Merlin engine under your breath without realizing it and looking like a goblin hunched over your laptop mere hours before deadline.**

**Please review!**

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"Okay," I sighed. "I believe that. But I want you to know something-- when it comes to all this _enemies_ nonsense, I'm out. I'm a neutral country. I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures. Jacob is family. You are... well, not exactly the love of my life, because I expect to love you for much longer than that. The love of my existence. I don't care who's a werewolf and who's a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch she can join the party, too."

Edward's eyes widened and mine narrowed in suspicion.

"Switzerland," I repeated again, mainly for emphasis, but there was a part of me that did it to reassure myself.

"Bella, how could you possibly-" He stopped dead in his tracks and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Me and my big mouth…" He muttered under his breath, moving to sit directly in my line of vision and taking my face in his hands.

"_Please_ do not freak out, but maybe you should know this… I mean, she is your best friend…" He reasoned, closing his eyes and composing himself before continuing.

By this time I was hyperventilating, guessing where this was going and really not wanting this bombshell tonight.

"What you said a minute ago, about Angela-" He didn't get any further before I stood up with a start and stared menacingly down at Edward, rivaling Rosalie in terror.

"Don't you dare, Edward, don't you dare tell me that my HUMAN best friend is a witch, don't you even think about it." I pointed my finger at him, wagging it sharply up and down. If the situation wasn't so dire, he may have started laughing, but for the moment he valued his manly bits.

"Bella, be reasonable, did you really think I would put you in any danger? If I thought Angela was going to be a threat I would of sent her and her Martian boyfriend back to their cave-" I made a loud screeching noise while cutting him off this time, and thrust my finger further towards his face, dangerously close to his marble eye. He thought I was angry about him putting me in danger?!

"That explains why Ben is so short, but stop now, before you start trying to tell me Charlie's a ghost or something ridiculous like that!" I cried, glad Charlie had run back to the police station for some paperwork.

Edward's eyes widened and I stopped breathing.

A loud buzzing filled my ears and I gasped in desperately, trying to fill my now protesting lungs. The buzzing continued and I glanced angrily up at Edward.

"Edward, would you quit buzzing?!" I yelled, before crumpling to the floor at his confused, guilty feet.

"Bella? Bella!" I heard my name being called in Edward's familiar voice and I grinned foolishly up at him as the swarm of angry invisible bees went for the final attack and dragged me under into unconsciousness.

**Meanwhile, on the tree outside…**

"Well, she took that better than I expected." Angela pointed out nervously, hovering on her broom next the tree branches that supported the rest of the club.

"Yeah, took her a whole 5 minutes to pass out." Jacob added, shifting uncomfortably against the twig dangerously close to his dignity.

"Damn, I thought she'd go for him…" Ben complained, thumping a wad of dollar bills into Emmett's outstretched hand.

"Nah, she's knows better than that." Was all he said in reply, counting the bills with a look of glee.

Jasper swiped his hand across his brow to wipe away metaphorical beads of sweat. "Whew, boy did the emotions heat up in there!" He grinned as his head lolled to the side, drunk from emotion overload.

"Do you think I should have told her? Maybe I should… it's so un-fatherly, just leaving her to guess it all… God! What kind of father am I?!" He wailed quietly, throwing his hands up and the settling them theatrically over his eyes.

Carlisle lent down from where he sat on a higher branch and patted Charlie's shoulder. "Don't worry, Charlie, she'll get over it in a matter of seconds, you'll see." He reassured the dead man. Esme chuckled next to Carlisle and prodded Charlie's ghostly shoulder with her foot. "Oh boy, are you gonna be in for it when you tell her you knew all along about vampires and werewolves!" She laughed, sliding her arm around Carlisle's waist, giggling quietly to herself.

Charlie responded with a wail and lent on Alice's shoulder, who patted his head and frowned. "I should have seen this coming… why didn't I see this coming?" She asked herself angrily under her breath, sifting through various visions filed at the back of her head.

Rosalie snorted and put her arms across her chest, lifting one hand to her face to inspect her fingernails. "She still passed out though." She remarked spitefully, ignoring the jumble of annoyed moans from everyone else.

Jessica pulled her human face back over the mass of green tentacles and grinned excitedly. "Oh boy, is she gonna be jazzed to find out about me!" Rosalie surreptitiously tugged on Jessica's foot, causing her to tumble to the ground and received appreciative looks from the gathered species.

I resurfaced slowly from my bee bath as the volume of the buzzing reduced hesitantly, the bees obviously wanting to make full use of their five minutes of fame. I looked into Edward's frantic eyes and grinned again, this one even more foolish than before.

"You know Edward, I think you'll get used to being a girl." I said cheerfully, limply reaching for the front of his trousers, my head still a mess from passing out but clear enough to realize I was castration level angry.

Edward leaped back, fearing what I, this deranged woman was capable of in my current mental state.

I dragged myself up off of the bedroom floor using my desk and flopped over to the window, throwing it open weakly.

"I'm gonna make each and every one of you suffer!" I screeched, once again pointing viciously. My arm was too heavy for me to hold it up so it slapped onto the window frame and I looked at it accusingly. "Just you wait until my bones grow back!" I continued before slamming the window shut, almost on the fingers, and dropped onto the bed face first with a thump, the bed groaning in protest under me. I pulled my covers over my head and groaned.

"If you're all still here in the morning you'll be sorry." Was all I managed to get out, even managing to make it sound threatening from within the pillow, before falling asleep, ungracefully sprawled half on half off the bed, fully clothed.

I just heard Edward mutter "What are we gonna do with you?" Before tugging my trainers off and shifting me so I was lying properly on the bed before I was too far gone to hear the various noises signaling the departure of my extended family and friends.

*Cue cackle*

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**Thank you so much for reading my delusional ramblings, and i hoped you enoyed them at least a little bit!**

**Please, pretty pretty please, review for me!**


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